david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
