Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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