the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
barbara walters just said penis...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
