is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My life is pants optional.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
