help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize