I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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