i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
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