Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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