found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
