so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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