So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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