So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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