so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
