And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So many bounce houses so little time
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
