I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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