my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
