I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
