she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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