Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize