I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
