I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize