She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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