My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
