Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
you had me at cake vodka
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
