She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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