my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
