Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
