you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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