Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
