we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
