The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
