I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
