Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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