I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
