you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
