There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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