I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
