Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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