Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
