I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
