Rock
Scissors
Fuck
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize