We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
