She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I die, sorry about rent.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
