ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
