kristin has been a bad kristin
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
