capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
