We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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