I'm lost and stupid without you.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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