we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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