When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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