You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
