I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
