Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
