would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
i believe in u and ur pee
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