I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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