why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
