Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
