pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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