you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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