i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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