Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
