Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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