Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
