Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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