When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
