those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
