On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Still dying that you shit outside
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
