My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
