I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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