Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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