I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize