he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You pole danced in your parka.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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