kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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