i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize