i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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