I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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