Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
