I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
