I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
