After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
